Just found out today that the Clinicals for the last two school years in the Nursing Program here at SPU (which I have not yet even completed prereqs for, much less been admitted to) are 15hrs per week, on top of 10 more hours of class time, not counting homework. That's 26 hrs/wk. I also work 40+ hrs/wk. Now, I know all things are possible with God, but I wonder if all things are prudent. I don't want to neglect my family any more than I already do. (Well, I'd rather not neglect them at all...)
I believed and still believe this is where the Lord's leading is, or at least that I've not had any restraint 'til now - which coupled w/ an initial desire seems to be the mechanism by which I'm normally led - so I'm going to keep going for it.
If this (Nursing) falls through I don't know what else I could really do in the way of securing solid training for future employment that would also provide me with enough free time to plant a church here. I've seen enough churches fall apart or fall on hard times not to want to rely totally on the generosity of God's flock for provision for my family, who all enjoy having roofs and beds and food and such things. At least Paul had tentmaking as a fallback or supplement, and he was single. I am not single, I'm not even double. I'm quintuple-no, Brandy's pregnant, make that sextuple. So with this small tribe relying on me for sustenance, I DO desire (and I don't think this is lack of faith) some sort of resilient qualifications of the sort that could allow me to provide said sustenance. A Classics degree doesn't exactly fit that bill.
Prayers appreciated.
Showing posts with label will of God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label will of God. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Work's getting exciting again, lots of drunks and thieves, and drunken thieves!
Just wrapping up what turned out to be a trying week. First, via a scheduling mistake I missed about six hours worth of very important and expensive meetings on Tuesday (which I've gotten a letter of reprimand for), then being told on Wednesday I couldn't be financed for the Lasik appointment I was supposed to have Thursday, which was the biggest bummer because I've been looking forward to that particular appointment for about a month and been wearing glasses (no contacts) for about that long in preparation. I've rescheduled for February, so I can figure out what's going on with my credit & possibly save enough so I don't have to do the CareCredit thing. I have wanted to get Lasik for about a decade, so that was the biggest letdown. Then there was breaking my toe the day before missing the meetings on a dumbell the kids had hidden under a jacket in the dining room. I've also been tense because my second big Biology test which I took this friday. Still waiting for the results on that one.
Brandy can tell you I was very melodramatic about all this. Since Friday I think I've been able to rein it in a bit. I do want to curb the habit of telling people my problems, as it seems I'm always more eager to tell them then they are to listen-even if they ask-and It doesn't help much. The whole deal did help me realize that my stamina for disaster has gone way down. I managed to say "blessed be the name of the lord" but with a very sour face. I'd prefer to be to the point character-wisewhere I could honestly sing a worship song in similar circumstances.
Our microwave has developed a Zeus complex. The other day as Brandy was heating up some peas in a bowl it began throwing lightning around inside and making a loud snapping noise...not a good sign. So remembering a couple years ago in St. Paul when our then-microwave spontaneously combusted I had Brandy unplug it until we can figure out what's wrong or throw it away.
As a man once sung - "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone..." I had to heat up my cold coffee by dumping some boiling water into it. Just not the same.
Radioactive cube of convenience, why have you failed us?
And yet, Romans 8:28 is in full effect. Though He slay my microwave, yet will I trust Him.
Just wrapping up what turned out to be a trying week. First, via a scheduling mistake I missed about six hours worth of very important and expensive meetings on Tuesday (which I've gotten a letter of reprimand for), then being told on Wednesday I couldn't be financed for the Lasik appointment I was supposed to have Thursday, which was the biggest bummer because I've been looking forward to that particular appointment for about a month and been wearing glasses (no contacts) for about that long in preparation. I've rescheduled for February, so I can figure out what's going on with my credit & possibly save enough so I don't have to do the CareCredit thing. I have wanted to get Lasik for about a decade, so that was the biggest letdown. Then there was breaking my toe the day before missing the meetings on a dumbell the kids had hidden under a jacket in the dining room. I've also been tense because my second big Biology test which I took this friday. Still waiting for the results on that one.
Brandy can tell you I was very melodramatic about all this. Since Friday I think I've been able to rein it in a bit. I do want to curb the habit of telling people my problems, as it seems I'm always more eager to tell them then they are to listen-even if they ask-and It doesn't help much. The whole deal did help me realize that my stamina for disaster has gone way down. I managed to say "blessed be the name of the lord" but with a very sour face. I'd prefer to be to the point character-wisewhere I could honestly sing a worship song in similar circumstances.
Our microwave has developed a Zeus complex. The other day as Brandy was heating up some peas in a bowl it began throwing lightning around inside and making a loud snapping noise...not a good sign. So remembering a couple years ago in St. Paul when our then-microwave spontaneously combusted I had Brandy unplug it until we can figure out what's wrong or throw it away.
As a man once sung - "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone..." I had to heat up my cold coffee by dumping some boiling water into it. Just not the same.
Radioactive cube of convenience, why have you failed us?
And yet, Romans 8:28 is in full effect. Though He slay my microwave, yet will I trust Him.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Encouragements and Exhortations
Due to the kindness of a friend from church who watched our herd of hobbits, Brandy and I were able to go out for an early Anniversary present almost a week ago now. We made it up to Seattle and enjoyed fish and chips up by the Ballard locks and walked through the garden near there. Then we went to a Tully's nearby and sat down to talk. It was especially good to have time to talk about our plans and hopes and thoughts. Before that day I really hadn't tried to organize them enough to present them in any sort of order, and here are a few.
I've had a sort of "drifting" feeling within the past months, of aimlessness - like I'm just existing. I've had doubts about the Lord's plans for us out here - maybe doubts isn't the right word, more like lack of interest. I've treated everything as it comes with indifference, like going to school, or my job, as a separate instance of life, not as a part of a greater unified plan.
Normally I hate planning, because it seems like things so rarely go to plan, and I don't like setting myself up for disappointment. But as I thought about it, I could definitely see the working hand of God in all that's happened with us over the past year. I am coming to believe that it's through my timidity in recognizing it AS the work of my Lord Jesus and the lax way I've talked about our circumstances and plans that have killed the zeal I should be burning with. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him". I had been asking God for specific things for the past three years:
#1. to send us somewhere, then receiving the word to Washington,
#2. I asked for a job, and believed I was being led specifically to the Job at SPU Security, and God not only brought us out here safely, but gave us a place to live, and out of many candidates gave me my current Job. When back in MN I looked at this job, I prayed about going back to school and in part applied with hope of getting tuition discounts.
#3. When I applied to go to SPU, I asked the Lord to give me a sign financially if I was to Go to school with his blessing. I got a full ride with grants and scholarships (didn't have to take out any loans) The amount I've been given to pay for school this year is almost exactly what it will take for a year @ SPU (almost 30K). If my Father hasn't done this, then who has? I could never have afforded this on my own. If it wasn't for my conviction that the Lord was taking us out here, I never would have thought to apply for the job @ SPU security, since they asked for someone with a B.A. in the listing, whereas I don't even have an A.A. .
God has given us a good church to go to here, with a pastor who is genuinely interested in us for the Lord's sake, and who takes the time to go through the "Men in Turn" leadership training with me and to keep me in the word and serving while waiting for God to move us up to the Seattle area. It's not many pastors who would be willing to give that time to someone they knew was only going to be in their congregation for a year. He also shelled out a chunk of cash to give me the resources for that program gratis, including the "Foundations for Pentecostal Theology" book and the Chuck Smith "Through the Bible" series. Because of his working with me I've memorized the first two chapters of Titus (which sadly enough is the first time I've ever memorized two consecutive chapters of scripture) and am now working on the 3rd. May God repay him for all he's done for my good!
Also, a couple nights ago I was kicking students out of OMH at about 2:30AM (it's the physics and mathematics building, so the students would stay there all night to do homework if they were allowed to). I started talking to one of the guys, and as we began talking he asked about my work, and I told him why I went to work here in part-to study classics to learn Greek and Latin and learn the background of scripture better. Then I pointed out that it didn't have any occupational value but was only for my own enjoyment (which is a lie, since I want to do it to Serve my God and His people, but I've said that so many times in an apologetic way as if I was ashamed for going to school for something not technical or "practical" to make money that I'd almost come to believe it) But this blessed kid says "Well, that sounds like it will open up lots of opportunities to minister and serve God" and I again pointed out that I meant unlike physics, which he studies, my degree will have next to no money value, and he replied, "Well, that's why I study physics, so I can support people like you!"
I shut my mouth, and for a second almost felt like crying. I'd convinced myself almost that no one values what I want in my heart and felt the call to - to teach and feed the Word of God to men, and to go to school to supplement this. And here this kid in one sentence made me ashamed of my shame and encouraged me to no end, to think that there are people who so value the word of God and the office of Overseer that they would work to support it! God forgive me. But what that kid said stuck with me, and I have felt its encouragement 'til now.
God help me to encourage others too, I've been reminded how much it's needed!
So I told all this to Brandy, and she told me she's been in the same funk of not feeling like we're doing anything, and like I was going to school just to go to school, and a feeling of unreality regarding us starting a church.
And the more I've been thinking about it, I know I've got to recover a passionate love for God, and a pursuit of Him, and an "Abiding in Him". That's where all these desires came from in the first place, and I can't recover passions created by the lifeblood of Jesus Christ without being plugged firmly into his Vine, and drinking in His life. All these dreams are just that without him, and will be impossible to pursue without Him in me to give me works, to will and to work his pleasure-with pleasure.
Due to the kindness of a friend from church who watched our herd of hobbits, Brandy and I were able to go out for an early Anniversary present almost a week ago now. We made it up to Seattle and enjoyed fish and chips up by the Ballard locks and walked through the garden near there. Then we went to a Tully's nearby and sat down to talk. It was especially good to have time to talk about our plans and hopes and thoughts. Before that day I really hadn't tried to organize them enough to present them in any sort of order, and here are a few.
I've had a sort of "drifting" feeling within the past months, of aimlessness - like I'm just existing. I've had doubts about the Lord's plans for us out here - maybe doubts isn't the right word, more like lack of interest. I've treated everything as it comes with indifference, like going to school, or my job, as a separate instance of life, not as a part of a greater unified plan.
Normally I hate planning, because it seems like things so rarely go to plan, and I don't like setting myself up for disappointment. But as I thought about it, I could definitely see the working hand of God in all that's happened with us over the past year. I am coming to believe that it's through my timidity in recognizing it AS the work of my Lord Jesus and the lax way I've talked about our circumstances and plans that have killed the zeal I should be burning with. "And without faith it is impossible to please Him". I had been asking God for specific things for the past three years:
#1. to send us somewhere, then receiving the word to Washington,
#2. I asked for a job, and believed I was being led specifically to the Job at SPU Security, and God not only brought us out here safely, but gave us a place to live, and out of many candidates gave me my current Job. When back in MN I looked at this job, I prayed about going back to school and in part applied with hope of getting tuition discounts.
#3. When I applied to go to SPU, I asked the Lord to give me a sign financially if I was to Go to school with his blessing. I got a full ride with grants and scholarships (didn't have to take out any loans) The amount I've been given to pay for school this year is almost exactly what it will take for a year @ SPU (almost 30K). If my Father hasn't done this, then who has? I could never have afforded this on my own. If it wasn't for my conviction that the Lord was taking us out here, I never would have thought to apply for the job @ SPU security, since they asked for someone with a B.A. in the listing, whereas I don't even have an A.A. .
God has given us a good church to go to here, with a pastor who is genuinely interested in us for the Lord's sake, and who takes the time to go through the "Men in Turn" leadership training with me and to keep me in the word and serving while waiting for God to move us up to the Seattle area. It's not many pastors who would be willing to give that time to someone they knew was only going to be in their congregation for a year. He also shelled out a chunk of cash to give me the resources for that program gratis, including the "Foundations for Pentecostal Theology" book and the Chuck Smith "Through the Bible" series. Because of his working with me I've memorized the first two chapters of Titus (which sadly enough is the first time I've ever memorized two consecutive chapters of scripture) and am now working on the 3rd. May God repay him for all he's done for my good!
Also, a couple nights ago I was kicking students out of OMH at about 2:30AM (it's the physics and mathematics building, so the students would stay there all night to do homework if they were allowed to). I started talking to one of the guys, and as we began talking he asked about my work, and I told him why I went to work here in part-to study classics to learn Greek and Latin and learn the background of scripture better. Then I pointed out that it didn't have any occupational value but was only for my own enjoyment (which is a lie, since I want to do it to Serve my God and His people, but I've said that so many times in an apologetic way as if I was ashamed for going to school for something not technical or "practical" to make money that I'd almost come to believe it) But this blessed kid says "Well, that sounds like it will open up lots of opportunities to minister and serve God" and I again pointed out that I meant unlike physics, which he studies, my degree will have next to no money value, and he replied, "Well, that's why I study physics, so I can support people like you!"
I shut my mouth, and for a second almost felt like crying. I'd convinced myself almost that no one values what I want in my heart and felt the call to - to teach and feed the Word of God to men, and to go to school to supplement this. And here this kid in one sentence made me ashamed of my shame and encouraged me to no end, to think that there are people who so value the word of God and the office of Overseer that they would work to support it! God forgive me. But what that kid said stuck with me, and I have felt its encouragement 'til now.
God help me to encourage others too, I've been reminded how much it's needed!
So I told all this to Brandy, and she told me she's been in the same funk of not feeling like we're doing anything, and like I was going to school just to go to school, and a feeling of unreality regarding us starting a church.
And the more I've been thinking about it, I know I've got to recover a passionate love for God, and a pursuit of Him, and an "Abiding in Him". That's where all these desires came from in the first place, and I can't recover passions created by the lifeblood of Jesus Christ without being plugged firmly into his Vine, and drinking in His life. All these dreams are just that without him, and will be impossible to pursue without Him in me to give me works, to will and to work his pleasure-with pleasure.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
So, it looks as if I am going to school after all. I got a financial aid letter the other night saying that I'm getting enough grants and awards to cover almost all of my tuition. I wasn't expecting it, to tell the truth.
So, what this means is that Brandy & I (Lord willing) will be moving up closer to seattle, in the Magnolia/Queen Anne area.
Most of all though I want us to do God's will, I know he didn't have us come all the way out here just so I could go to school. My main prayer is that God will lead us where we need to go, and that he would help us to know when and where to start a bible study, and which church to get involved with up there.
The church here has kind of started to hold us at arms length, at least that's how I feel. The guy in charge of the youth ministry called me last week and said that due to pastor's orders he's taking over Relate again, since he's the Youth leader and all - apparently he'd never cleared handing Relate off to me with the pastor, and once the pastor found out he told Joe that shouldn't be happening. It's just as well since Joe's been taking most of the Relate sessions anyway, the ones that weren't vetoed by special speakers etc...
The pastor here was really encouraging me to start "Men in Turn" -his version of pastoral training, after some coaxing I agreed, and then after putting in all the paperwork I've been chasing him around the past month trying to set up an appointment to meet with him about it, since he said we have to meet first to start the training. I finally got a date from him, and it's going to be another week or so till we can meet to start this thing I filled the paperwork out for last month.
It almost feels like an old school CC St. Paul "Test".
He also kept dropping very strong hints that he wants me to stay here and not move, and become part of the ministry here in CC South, but I encouraged no illusions of that happening, and I think they've finally taken me seriously and are withdrawing...
But, this could all be me being pessimistic. I have a tendency to do that; for instance: if something of mine is missing for a couple days, I assume that it's been stolen and get upset at the hypothetical thief, only to find the "stolen" possession behind the couch or in my closet or wherever I left it last. Why do I think the worst of people?
I finally broke down and shelled out the money to get the (ridiculously expensive) Logos for Mac bible engine, so that I can open up my Oswald Chambers and Francis Schaeffer CD's and hopefully load them on the Kindle.
All this reading... Reading through Brother's Karamazov again, but I just read a quote of John Wesley that struck me:
Beware that you are not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
- John Wesley
Sigh.
So, what this means is that Brandy & I (Lord willing) will be moving up closer to seattle, in the Magnolia/Queen Anne area.
Most of all though I want us to do God's will, I know he didn't have us come all the way out here just so I could go to school. My main prayer is that God will lead us where we need to go, and that he would help us to know when and where to start a bible study, and which church to get involved with up there.
The church here has kind of started to hold us at arms length, at least that's how I feel. The guy in charge of the youth ministry called me last week and said that due to pastor's orders he's taking over Relate again, since he's the Youth leader and all - apparently he'd never cleared handing Relate off to me with the pastor, and once the pastor found out he told Joe that shouldn't be happening. It's just as well since Joe's been taking most of the Relate sessions anyway, the ones that weren't vetoed by special speakers etc...
The pastor here was really encouraging me to start "Men in Turn" -his version of pastoral training, after some coaxing I agreed, and then after putting in all the paperwork I've been chasing him around the past month trying to set up an appointment to meet with him about it, since he said we have to meet first to start the training. I finally got a date from him, and it's going to be another week or so till we can meet to start this thing I filled the paperwork out for last month.
It almost feels like an old school CC St. Paul "Test".
He also kept dropping very strong hints that he wants me to stay here and not move, and become part of the ministry here in CC South, but I encouraged no illusions of that happening, and I think they've finally taken me seriously and are withdrawing...
But, this could all be me being pessimistic. I have a tendency to do that; for instance: if something of mine is missing for a couple days, I assume that it's been stolen and get upset at the hypothetical thief, only to find the "stolen" possession behind the couch or in my closet or wherever I left it last. Why do I think the worst of people?
I finally broke down and shelled out the money to get the (ridiculously expensive) Logos for Mac bible engine, so that I can open up my Oswald Chambers and Francis Schaeffer CD's and hopefully load them on the Kindle.
All this reading... Reading through Brother's Karamazov again, but I just read a quote of John Wesley that struck me:
Beware that you are not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
- John Wesley
Sigh.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I got my acceptance letter in the mail from SPU today, it reminded me that last night (morning? I don't sleep at night so it must've been yesterday morning after getting home) I had a dream where the current president of SPU was voted out and was getting very surly while being forced to pack up and go. An unlikely and interesting dream, since it has very little chance of coming true and since I know so little about Pres. E. that I am surprised he featured in my dream.
Brandy & I also tried to watch Fight Club which Netflix had sent us because they didn't have the next item on our list readily available. I say "tried" because there was something wrong with the DVD that caused it to get all unbalanced in the DVD player and make an odd sound like a washer on spin cycle. So I took that as a sign of God's displeasure over us trying to watch that particular movie, which I wasn't at all surprised at because I was kind of wondering whether or not we should be watching it in the first place. I mean, I liked it when I watched it as a pagan, I appreciated its critique of American commercialism and inhumanity, but there's just so much to strain the conscience in it too, and I hesitated even trying to watch it. So when its imbalance cause the rumbling of Divine Wrath to emanate from our DVD player, I embarrasedly explained to Brandy my interpretation of this "sign", and we ended up reading Psalms and Proverbs instead, and the first couple chapters of Romans. I'm glad we did. Then I read her a little bit from where we left off in the "Fellowship of the Ring" and had dinner.
And now I'm @ work, praying that no one in Robbins or the Wesleys decides it would be a good idea to get drunk and noisy, and filling out an incident report about a "No Parking" sign that someone ran over.
Brandy & I also tried to watch Fight Club which Netflix had sent us because they didn't have the next item on our list readily available. I say "tried" because there was something wrong with the DVD that caused it to get all unbalanced in the DVD player and make an odd sound like a washer on spin cycle. So I took that as a sign of God's displeasure over us trying to watch that particular movie, which I wasn't at all surprised at because I was kind of wondering whether or not we should be watching it in the first place. I mean, I liked it when I watched it as a pagan, I appreciated its critique of American commercialism and inhumanity, but there's just so much to strain the conscience in it too, and I hesitated even trying to watch it. So when its imbalance cause the rumbling of Divine Wrath to emanate from our DVD player, I embarrasedly explained to Brandy my interpretation of this "sign", and we ended up reading Psalms and Proverbs instead, and the first couple chapters of Romans. I'm glad we did. Then I read her a little bit from where we left off in the "Fellowship of the Ring" and had dinner.
And now I'm @ work, praying that no one in Robbins or the Wesleys decides it would be a good idea to get drunk and noisy, and filling out an incident report about a "No Parking" sign that someone ran over.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thanks to Mel for putting me in the same sentence as Shakespeare.
I just ordered a copy of "Lord of the Rings" in a single volume. This is an exciting moment for me because when I first was truly regenerated I threw away all my LOTR stuff along with all my other fantasy literature. I had done that at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, my guess looking back was because it was such an escape for me it had turned into something of a "Slight healing" of the wounds of sin. The wholesale immersion of myself into fantasy dulled the pain and emptiness caused by my Disconnect with Jesus Christ. But now, some eight or so years later, my conscience is free once again and I want to give the Lord of the Rings another read through as a New Man.
I got some martial arts target mitts off ebay with the intent of exercising Brandy & I's (and maybe Josiah's) punching muscles. We've had them for about two weeks now and it's been a blast. Brandy's punches are getting harder every couple of days and I've been pleasantly surprised that she enjoys it. I also got her a longbow for christmas, and I'm looking forward to taking her out to the range to shoot.
More outrageous articles in the school newspaper, I think I'll probably write a response to one of them, but part of me feels like it would be doing nothing but exercising my futility muscles. Still, like William Wallace's father said in Braveheart: "I didn't say we had to beat them, we just have to fight them" - We shall see.
Youth group... The situation is still interesting. I have taught twice, and have led a couple small group "discussions" at least that's what they're supposed to be but the first one ended up being a group chat time becuase none of the kids were taking it seriously and because that's what they've always done before. I gave them a "why are you even here" speech and the next time everything went great, we kept on topic and prayed together meaningfully at the close, I even remember all of their names. A few of the older kids complain to me that their relationship with God is stagnant and they're frustrated with the youth group the way it's being run and the shallowness of the teaching and want me to start a study group outside of church that would be voluntary. I would really like that in one way, but I don't think they're being entirely fair to the current youth pastor and I wouldn't want it to be detrimental to what's already going on there. I'll have to talk to the Pastor and the Youth pastor and see what they think.
Speaking of pastors and youth pastors, the Pastor wants to meet for breakfast with me again. We went out to breakfast once before, a kind of "getting to know you" sort of thing once I expressed interest in the youth ministry, I don't know why he's asked to get together with me this time. It was a Wednesday night when he first mentioned it to me, he came in after youth group and said that he wanted to get together with me and talk, but he'd just been sued and his wife's mother had a stroke in service the week prior and had since died, and as he was telling all this to me I noticed that he had some kind of red inflammation like poison oak or something all over his face. I found out the suing is a ridiculous frivolous lawsuit against him and three other homeowners by a plumbing contractor who just finished suing a nearby county -apparently this is how this guy makes his living when he's not plumbing. But seriously, after hearing the pastor's story and thinking about the events in the lives of the pastors I've known for the past two years, it's enough to make me scared at the thought of becoming a pastor-it seems like being selected to storm Omaha beach on D-Day. Still...
Working with a new guy at SPU security, he's Irish (kind of) son of travelling missionary parents and a reader of sorts, so we have lots of interesting discussions. We talked about the history of the IRA, the popularity of Coldplay amongst the "cool" christian culture, and everything in between.
Applying for school here at SPU, hoping to get a degree in Classics. Just ordered transcripts to be sent to the admissions department from my former colleges, and now I'm just waiting for the Academic and Personal recommendations forms to be returned, then I'll be in. This is fixin' to be one busy year. We're going to move closer (as always, Lord willing) to the School in June when our lease is up, I'll be going to school, still don't know if we'll end up going to Calvary Seattle there or trying to keep coming here-(I can't see commuting back here from there though)
We're going to the NW Calvary Sr. Pastor's conference. Brandy already booked the rooms, she is as ever the superninja of the practical and administrative. Not only did she find the most economical hotels in the area, she booked rooms there for Don Rypstra and Chik as well as one for us. Nate and Marielle (Brandy's brother and sister-i-l) are in my good books forever for agreeing to sit on our babies while we go out to Spokane for the conference. It will be glorious being alone with Brandy, without children, by ourselves, together, for more than five minutes, without the constant threat of the little people getting out of bed to come and announce that they have to go to the bathroom or are sick or scared of gollum. As I said, Glorious.
Although Brandy wants another. I like the ones we have, the way I see it, three's good enough for God (think Trinity), so it's good enough for me. But the biological clock ticks fiercely, and I have promised to comply on conditions known only to her and I.
But I still think three is the # of completion. (Or is it perfection? Still, either way.)
I also bought Brandy a pair of hotboots. A sound investment.
Reading through Ezekiel. If anyone knows the meaning of Ezekiel 20:25&6 feel free to share, I've got some ideas, but initially it's very confusticating. The rest of Ezekiel is great as always, but I have found it necessary to balance it out by reading the gospel of John as well.
Just finished today listening to Christianaudio's free book of the month, "Abandoned to God" - the life of Oswald Chambers, by David McCasland I believe, narrated by Simon Vance (who's voice I appreciate) very edifying, too much to write, but I suggest you download it for free @ Christianaudio.com and listen through it. What a life in Christ. I pray that I live that way. I bought the complete OC works now and am reading through "Biblical Psychology" when I can. But I'll have to wait til my weekend (Monday) to really dig into it.
Peace to all of you in our Lord Jesus!
'cause that's all for now.
I just ordered a copy of "Lord of the Rings" in a single volume. This is an exciting moment for me because when I first was truly regenerated I threw away all my LOTR stuff along with all my other fantasy literature. I had done that at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, my guess looking back was because it was such an escape for me it had turned into something of a "Slight healing" of the wounds of sin. The wholesale immersion of myself into fantasy dulled the pain and emptiness caused by my Disconnect with Jesus Christ. But now, some eight or so years later, my conscience is free once again and I want to give the Lord of the Rings another read through as a New Man.
I got some martial arts target mitts off ebay with the intent of exercising Brandy & I's (and maybe Josiah's) punching muscles. We've had them for about two weeks now and it's been a blast. Brandy's punches are getting harder every couple of days and I've been pleasantly surprised that she enjoys it. I also got her a longbow for christmas, and I'm looking forward to taking her out to the range to shoot.
More outrageous articles in the school newspaper, I think I'll probably write a response to one of them, but part of me feels like it would be doing nothing but exercising my futility muscles. Still, like William Wallace's father said in Braveheart: "I didn't say we had to beat them, we just have to fight them" - We shall see.
Youth group... The situation is still interesting. I have taught twice, and have led a couple small group "discussions" at least that's what they're supposed to be but the first one ended up being a group chat time becuase none of the kids were taking it seriously and because that's what they've always done before. I gave them a "why are you even here" speech and the next time everything went great, we kept on topic and prayed together meaningfully at the close, I even remember all of their names. A few of the older kids complain to me that their relationship with God is stagnant and they're frustrated with the youth group the way it's being run and the shallowness of the teaching and want me to start a study group outside of church that would be voluntary. I would really like that in one way, but I don't think they're being entirely fair to the current youth pastor and I wouldn't want it to be detrimental to what's already going on there. I'll have to talk to the Pastor and the Youth pastor and see what they think.
Speaking of pastors and youth pastors, the Pastor wants to meet for breakfast with me again. We went out to breakfast once before, a kind of "getting to know you" sort of thing once I expressed interest in the youth ministry, I don't know why he's asked to get together with me this time. It was a Wednesday night when he first mentioned it to me, he came in after youth group and said that he wanted to get together with me and talk, but he'd just been sued and his wife's mother had a stroke in service the week prior and had since died, and as he was telling all this to me I noticed that he had some kind of red inflammation like poison oak or something all over his face. I found out the suing is a ridiculous frivolous lawsuit against him and three other homeowners by a plumbing contractor who just finished suing a nearby county -apparently this is how this guy makes his living when he's not plumbing. But seriously, after hearing the pastor's story and thinking about the events in the lives of the pastors I've known for the past two years, it's enough to make me scared at the thought of becoming a pastor-it seems like being selected to storm Omaha beach on D-Day. Still...
Working with a new guy at SPU security, he's Irish (kind of) son of travelling missionary parents and a reader of sorts, so we have lots of interesting discussions. We talked about the history of the IRA, the popularity of Coldplay amongst the "cool" christian culture, and everything in between.
Applying for school here at SPU, hoping to get a degree in Classics. Just ordered transcripts to be sent to the admissions department from my former colleges, and now I'm just waiting for the Academic and Personal recommendations forms to be returned, then I'll be in. This is fixin' to be one busy year. We're going to move closer (as always, Lord willing) to the School in June when our lease is up, I'll be going to school, still don't know if we'll end up going to Calvary Seattle there or trying to keep coming here-(I can't see commuting back here from there though)
We're going to the NW Calvary Sr. Pastor's conference. Brandy already booked the rooms, she is as ever the superninja of the practical and administrative. Not only did she find the most economical hotels in the area, she booked rooms there for Don Rypstra and Chik as well as one for us. Nate and Marielle (Brandy's brother and sister-i-l) are in my good books forever for agreeing to sit on our babies while we go out to Spokane for the conference. It will be glorious being alone with Brandy, without children, by ourselves, together, for more than five minutes, without the constant threat of the little people getting out of bed to come and announce that they have to go to the bathroom or are sick or scared of gollum. As I said, Glorious.
Although Brandy wants another. I like the ones we have, the way I see it, three's good enough for God (think Trinity), so it's good enough for me. But the biological clock ticks fiercely, and I have promised to comply on conditions known only to her and I.
But I still think three is the # of completion. (Or is it perfection? Still, either way.)
I also bought Brandy a pair of hotboots. A sound investment.
Reading through Ezekiel. If anyone knows the meaning of Ezekiel 20:25&6 feel free to share, I've got some ideas, but initially it's very confusticating. The rest of Ezekiel is great as always, but I have found it necessary to balance it out by reading the gospel of John as well.
Just finished today listening to Christianaudio's free book of the month, "Abandoned to God" - the life of Oswald Chambers, by David McCasland I believe, narrated by Simon Vance (who's voice I appreciate) very edifying, too much to write, but I suggest you download it for free @ Christianaudio.com and listen through it. What a life in Christ. I pray that I live that way. I bought the complete OC works now and am reading through "Biblical Psychology" when I can. But I'll have to wait til my weekend (Monday) to really dig into it.
Peace to all of you in our Lord Jesus!
'cause that's all for now.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I watched "Expelled" some time last week by myself at the School, and then ordered it on Netflix so that Brandy & I could watch it together. When it arrived, I remembered that for the past two or three weeks, our computer hasn't been reading DVDs. But in the spirit of persistance I put it in anyway, and the laptop spit it out, and I put it in again, and again it was regurgitated, and another ten or more times, then I went into the bedroom to the other computer and tried it in that one, and to my surprise that one wouldn't take it either! SO I washed it off and cleaned it, and tried a handful of other times, then handed it off to Brandy and left the room to let off some steam. I asked God what was up with this-especially as it's something I figured he'd approve of us watching, and then he birthed the realisation in me that I hadn't really consulted him at all so far-I'd been trusting in the law of averages. So I went outside where Brandy had put it in the laptop for the fifth time or so since I'd left, and grabbed her hand and said we should pray. So I prayed and asked God to make it work, seeing as this is probably the first really edifying thing we've watched in a while, and asked him to make sure it was an edifying watch. As we said our "Amen", the DVD 'took' and the menu screen came up. After a short and heartfelt prayer of thanks, we watched the movie (which, by the way, was excellent). Then we had a good long conversation springboarded off of the topics touched on in "Expelled", and I decided that this was the first time in a while I'd prayed for something supernatural with the expectation that it would happen. Brandy objected that she does and has fairly recently prayed in such a way, and I said that I do too, if it counts prayers for the universe to be rearranged to avoid inconveniencing us (for our car to run, for us to get more money, for our health to be good) But when was the last time we'd prayed for God to work a miracle that would be to His Glory for the purposes of His will being obeyed and accomplished?
As a result of that conversation I've realised that prayers for cars to start and money to appear can be pure superstition, on the level with rubbing a lucky rabbit's foot, as opposed to prayers which seek the will of God to be supernaturally worked out with our cooperation. One starts from the nature of Christ - For God's will and Glory, and the other starts from our desire to be comfortable - loving our life here in the world. I definitely think that God's will and glory can result in our comfort, but I don't think that the comfort should come first, and I think I've been relegating the power of God to disaster relief lately.
As a result of that conversation I've realised that prayers for cars to start and money to appear can be pure superstition, on the level with rubbing a lucky rabbit's foot, as opposed to prayers which seek the will of God to be supernaturally worked out with our cooperation. One starts from the nature of Christ - For God's will and Glory, and the other starts from our desire to be comfortable - loving our life here in the world. I definitely think that God's will and glory can result in our comfort, but I don't think that the comfort should come first, and I think I've been relegating the power of God to disaster relief lately.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
It's been a long time.
Today I did pretty much nothing. Nothing productive, anyway. Brandy & I watched about 10 episodes of Saiunkoku, afterward I researched for far too long to see if there was a third season coming out and if Shuurei marries Seiran like I hope she does. I read a couple chapters of N.T. Wright's "Evil & the Justice of God" and G.K. Chesterton's "Everlasting Man" (which I started and got 3/4 of the way through a couple months ago only to put aside until now) Watched the 2nd half of Visual Bible's "Gospel of John" with Josiah, layed around a LOT, ate pizza, wrestled with Josiah & Jaelle, watched the kids, tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and got halfway through before I realised we had no peanut butter, and talked with Brandy about this general feeling I've been having.
Do you ever feel like there's something you should be doing, something that matters, but you can't really put a finger on it? Not necessarily something you knew you were going to do and forgot, more like something you know you should know, if only you knew how to find out. Oftentimes even at work I feel that way. As if 99% of what I do in any given day (even work) is recreation, and like I'm missing this whole other plane of accomplishing. Almost like I've forgotten to go to work, but I don't know that I'm employed. I try to do things that I know I should do, like take out the garbage, and pay bills, and read my bible, but it's not any of those-even they feel like recreation, like "my time".
It feels like I'm missing the Necessary, the Thing that Matters. I've decided it must be the will of God. I need to seek the will of God. Not for a "big" thing, but just for all my vacuous hours, when I'm laying around the house, or reading, or working, or whatever, it's like another layer that needs to be superimposed over normal life and reorder it.
I wish sometimes that it were a list that could print off every day, that I could check it off, get it done, and not have this feeling afterwards. But it's not like that. These things, the will of God, seems to be scattered all throughout the day, so I can't just set aside some time for it-because I never know what it will be or when. I just know I need to figure out what it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)