Saturday, June 28, 2008


It's been a long time.

Today I did pretty much nothing.  Nothing productive, anyway.  Brandy & I watched about 10 episodes of Saiunkoku, afterward I researched for far too long to see if there was a third season coming out and if Shuurei marries Seiran like I hope she does.  I read a couple chapters of N.T. Wright's "Evil & the Justice of God" and G.K. Chesterton's "Everlasting Man" (which I started and got 3/4 of the way through a couple months ago only to put aside until now) Watched the 2nd half of Visual Bible's "Gospel of John" with Josiah, layed around a LOT, ate pizza, wrestled with Josiah & Jaelle, watched the kids, tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and got halfway through before I realised we had no peanut butter, and talked with Brandy about this general feeling I've been having.

Do you ever feel like there's something you should be doing, something that matters, but you can't really put a finger on it?  Not necessarily something you knew you were going to do and forgot, more like something you know you should know, if only you knew how to find out.  Oftentimes even at work I feel that way.  As if 99% of what I do in any given day (even work) is recreation, and like I'm missing this whole other plane of accomplishing.  Almost like I've forgotten to go to work, but I don't know that I'm employed.  I try to do things that I know I should do, like take out the garbage, and pay bills, and read my bible, but it's not any of those-even they feel like recreation, like "my time".  
It feels like I'm missing the Necessary, the Thing that Matters.  I've decided it must be the will of God.  I need to seek the will of God.   Not for a "big" thing, but just for all my vacuous hours, when I'm laying around the house, or reading, or working, or whatever, it's like another layer that needs to be superimposed over normal life and reorder it.
I wish sometimes that it were a list that could print off every day, that I could check it off, get it done, and not have this feeling afterwards.  But it's not like that.  These things, the will of God, seems to be scattered all throughout the day, so I can't just set aside some time for it-because I never know what it will be or when.  I just know I need to figure out what it is.

2 comments:

E. Chikeles said...

I know what you mean... restlessness of the soul so to speak. Its a bummer there aren't check lists sometimes, but then it just wouldn't be the same God if there were.

But I think Shuurei should marry Ryuki... and that thought came about after episode 25 or so of the second season.

Uriel said...

I just finished the 1st season and...I guess I'm warming to the idea.