My heart, half-sleeping, drawn out,
warm and softly beating
Full of every good gleaned from the other side of us
You are hope rung with joy – the best of dreams
I used to hold my breath for you, as if on holy ground
Oh small Heaven! Laying out your modest space on earth!
But this sickness, this god-forsaken leech
Oh God! This pit turns me hollow now and now-
It touched you with its shadow - my son!
My arms reached for you in desperate prayers
Eyes turned quick from God to son
I would have stood between
But that monster had no taste for me
And no answered prayers blocked its path
My soul drained like urine to the floor
life scraped whole from out my ribs
Tearing from me screams of hollow hell
As it robbed you of your precious breath
My arms hung worthless, worthless
With darkness closing in.
Now you are present on the other side of pain
Those hands of Christ from whence you came
And the weight of you pulls me harder
than all things created
With sweeter weight
Than any roots here in the tortured earth
My weakness now a hungry hope
Someday the beast will taste after me
and winning in death’s jaws
I will rush through that defleshing door
When it cracks for me I’ll drink its pain
In willing gulps
to hold you in my arms again.
My son, my son!