"Raze it, raze it, even to the foundation thereof."-Ps. 137:7

(this is the verse that always pops into mind when looking at a straight razor, although the phrase was directed by nasty Edomites towards Jerusalem, I think I can reappropriate it for a different purpose.)

My first straight razor shave was without much of the blood and tears promised by Amazon reviewers to first-timers. It easily took off an amount of scruffiness that would have clogged a disposable razor after two swipes. But still, asking myself why I bought it, I guess the main reason is that I liked the idea of it. True, it's more efficient at removing beardiness than the bags of razor encrusted plastic sticks I was using before, and also true, it will cost less in the long run; but those aren't what pushed me over the edge.

I guess the romance of something less specialized is a better part of it, the attraction G.K. Chesterton wrote about in his essay "The Universal Stick".

But not quite, because if I was going to go Chestertonian, I'd be using a knife.

It could also be a sort of nostalgia, the way some people enjoy old cars, fedoras, pipes and "classic" movies.

I suppose I could ask my little brother, because I found out the day before yesterday that he beat me to the punch and has been shaving w/ a straight razor for two months now.

All reasons combined, I think it was worth it.

Was talking to a friend about divorce, and how it "covers a man with violence like a garment" (Malachi)

It really does. Considering that according to the natural order of things the nuclear family is the basic social reality of every human being, not to have that is a serious disorientation.
You have a relationship that brought about your existence, which no longer exists. It's a lot like being orphaned, or very-late-term aborted. Every kid's existence is due to two other people coming together in at least one act of intimacy, and human societies have on the whole always recognized the need to formalize and turn into a sacred thing that bond. Children formed within it are "legitimate"; ones outside "illegitimate". Not "less human", but there really is something lost - a missing component of reality, a personal "Genesis" story that's lost. A child that has no Eden to point back to and say "that's where I came from, that's the place I was born" has a certain amount of psychological solipsism to deal with. They have no anchor, they are left floating in a sea of strangers, with whom they can form horizontal social bonds, but without a stable social foundation to rest on.
Even having one parent, or two parents separated, isn't the same. That reality which brought you into the world has been annihilated - it's like those Sci-Fi plots where Earth is destroyed and the human race is left orphaned and wandering in the galaxy, forced to make a new earth for themselves, a new home. But it will never be earth.

But with God, there is solace. It's said truly that 'Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.' (ps. 68:5)

This really works. Even a human adoption, or the striking out into the void to make a new family for oneself, doesn't provide a child of divorce with a present reality continuous with their real origins. And that's a real loss. God, on the other hand, does. The child of divorce may be physically the product of gametes from a pairing that no longer exists. However on another level, "...you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb."(ps 139) is a real, true, ontological statement. By faith we know that we exist for God's pleasure and by His will, and in Him we can find an even more fundamental and solid grounding than that of a human marriage. The loss is real, yes, but so is the gift that fills the void.

Prayer on a Tuesday morning.

I have framed you with so many stones I cannot see your image
I have dressed you up so well I can't see the man
Jesus cut through dust of ages
come into my room
I am full term
don't let me be
don't let me die inside the womb
Men are billions, words are many, you are only one
They have their children, I would be yours,
turn me to a son!

I woke up at 11am this morning. I was going to go to the DMV -but it closes at 12noon on Saturdays. It's just as well, since I still don't have the proper documentation.

I got offered the 40hr/wk position at work-and took it.
I also got my personal size reference ESV bible in the mail, I'm pretty excited about it. It's just the right size, and it's signature bound. (That means it's stitched in little folded bundles called "signatures" to the spine, rather than glued to the backing. Stitched bindings last longer)

Met a kid on the bus the other day, his name was Aaron. He was a black kid (I say "Kid", but he was in his early twenties) from Michigan-apparently a pretty tough neighborhood in Grand Rapids. He's a Christian, has been from when he was a boy, and started the conversation by saying he liked my shirt & saw me reading my bible & thought that was cool. He reminded me of Averill from St Paul. We got to talking, and he asked for my cell #. I pray for him that things go well, he said he's having some hard times here in WA. I was very glad for his company on the bus, since I haven't really run across any believers to talk to on the bus here so far. It also made me want to give Averill a call. It's so strange to think that there are these people who have affected and been affected by you, who've had heart to heart conversations and shared the good and bad with you, who've had real communion with the Lord Jesus Christ with you, that just drift away from you until they're hard to remember.

I can say I really miss a lot of the people from Minnesota ("a lot" being about 20). I've spent a longer time there than any other place I've ever lived, and that's where I walked through the door into Life, where I met my first Christian friends, my mentors and heroes, my first close friendships in Jesus, my great adventures, the place where I was able to give help to those who needed it, and really get to know people. And now there's so much space between us, space and time. I wish I had a better memory, I wish I put the one I have to better use.

It's good to have a wife, someone who shares my experiences like no one else. So much of understanding and communication has to do with shared experience. Commonality in our vocabulary, our stories, our values, our joys and terrors are largely dependent on common experience. And shared experience isn't something you can go to school to learn, or pay to get, it only comes with commitment, and a shared life.
Granted, we don't share all our experiences, I don't really know very well what it's like to stay home all day and take care of the kids, go to the grocery store, cook and clean, and Brandy doesn't know what it's like at my work or on the bus, but I guess that's probably why we spend the time listening to the stories of each other's days-to do our best to gain what common experience we can through imagination.

Watched "Gandhi" last night with Brandy. After a little research I found he was influenced by G.K. Chesterton and Sundar Singh, it also became clear that what set him apart most from other men were not the Koran's or Vedic teachings, but rather the teachings of Jesus that he attempted to follow. His non-violence was based in the gospels, which he freely admitted. But I still don't know what to think of even that interpretation of Jesus' words. I haven't known for 27 years for sure how Jesus meant for us to carry that out, and I haven't really ever changed my position on violence-using it only to protect the weak. I pray and hope I'm not wrong, but unless I have a revelation I don't think there's enough in scripture to call for strict nonresistance. It would cost too much for such an uncertain interpretation that seems in other parts of scripture to be contradicted.

Sometimes I feel like I have a very, very weak grasp on reality and sanity. I felt that way for part of this afternoon. The only times I don't feel that way is when I'm acting on stimulus-response mode, or when I'm in open communication with Jesus. I was having a hard time until I flipped to John 8:12 where Jesus says, "I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." Jesus says that if we follow him, all that darkness and confusion will disappear as His light shows us what everything really is, and is like. And not only will we see all of that by the light, but we'll Have that light. I forget sometimes what it was like before. When I didn't know what the meaning of life was, or what I wanted to do, what I should do. I'm grateful for the difference. Right after reading and trying to memorize that verse, I started reading a Biography of Eberhard Arnold that quoted Jesus' words in John 8:12. I took that as a confirmation.